AN INTERVIEW WITH NORMAN DESILVA

          Good evening ladies and gentlemen and welcome to our broadcast. Tonight I, Edward R. Murrow, will interview the curator of the Blacktop, Mr. Norman deSilva.     ERM: Welcome Mr. deSilva.    ND: Hey, Eddie, how's it going?    ERM: Well, since I've been dead for quite a while, I'd have to say things have been a little slow. That's why I was so excited to be able to conduct this interview.    ND: Glad to be able to help you out.    ERM: My research staff has checked out a number of things and the first thing I'd like to discuss is your Blacktop nickname.    ND: Oh, you're talking about Hamhocks?    ERM: Correct. What's the deal with that?    ND: Well, since I have 54" biceps and each of my arms weigh about 55 pounds apiece, Hamhocks refers to the massiveness of my arms.    ERM: I can see what you're talking about. What can you bench with those monsters?    ND: I don't usually like to talk about it but, since you've been dead for so long, I'll confide in you. I can put up 480 lbs. for reps of 4,  6 reps when, as I usually do, I bounce the bar off of my chest.    ERM: That can't be good for your physical health, can it?    ND: Well, I've fractured my sternum 3 times, blew out each pectoral twice and destroyed about 25 T-shirts. The shirts just fray apart across the chest from the bar bouncing off.    ERM: Then why do you do it?    ND: How else am I going to maintain bad boys like this? (pointing at each arm)    ERM: Weren't you on Lipitor for a little while for high cholesterol?    ND: Yeah, but I had to get off of it because my bench went all the way down to 450 lbs.    ERM: So, you got off of the Lipitor and your bench went back up? But how about your health?    ND: What about it? It's just cholesterol. What's that going to do?    ERM: How about the Blacktop? When and where did that originate?    ND: It started years and years ago while I was still living in Freetown. It was just a half-court back then.    ERM: Any holdovers from then to today's Blacktop?    ND: Oh yeah. Steve "Spec" Roberge, Ambrose "Hacksaw" Smith, Jose The MVP and some others too.    ERM: Our staff had Mr. Smith's nickname listed as Chainsaw. You said Hacksaw. Which is it?    ND: How the hell do I know? As far as I'm concerned, it's Hacksaw.    ERM: We hear you have a serious problem with remembering things like that and have a real penchant for using words out of context. Do you do that on purpose, for everybody's entertainment?    ND: First of all, I don't have a pension for anything and I don't use words out of contest.    ERM: I beg to differ Mr. deSilva. Do you recall the term sleep acnea?    ND: Yeah, I happen to have sleep acnea, according to my wife.    ERM: You don't wake up with pimples on your face, do you?    ND: No, you mope. Brenda says I snore.    ERM: I don't really appreciate being called a mope, Mr. deSilva.    ND: Sorry about that. It's just a term I picked up somewhere along the line.    ERM: That's OK. You mentioned Spec, Hacksaw and Jose The MVP. Who are some of the other Blacktoppers?    ND: Well, let's see. There's The Assassin, J-Man, Stigmata, Paulo, Bingo, Rasheed, Little Joe and Adam Cartwright, Ferris Bueller, The King, KC, NC, BJal, the man with two first names, Palindrone, Mike Tooleman Taylor, as well as others that I just can't recall right now.    ERM: Doesn't anybody have just a normal name at the Blacktop?    ND: Everybody does. We just don't bother using them.    ERM: Is it true that you recently burned Spec and Hacksaw and didn't even bother returning their call?    ND: Listen, I had tickets to a PC basketball game. I asked a couple of good guys if they wanted to go, namely BFerris and Jim McGonigle. Why would I ask Spec? Do you realize how many times he's screwed us not only on PC games, but also the Patriots, The Boss, and everything else. Nah, I didn't bother calling them back. Would you?        ERM: Well, from what I've read on the Guestbook Page of the Chainsaw website about this Spec guy, I guess I wouldn't ask him either. Plus, I hear that when Hacksaw imbibes, he loses all control.     ND: Believe me, you don't want to be near either one of them.    ERM: We understand that you have a lot of inside information that you share with the Blacktoppers on Saturday mornings.    ND: What do you mean?    ERM: Well, for instance, we hear that you broke the story about Pedro being on coke years ago. Stuff like that. Where do you get your info?    ND: Oh yeah. I'm connected with the Pepsi guy at my store. The guy tells me all about that kind of stuff. The Frito guy really has some good, inside information about any professional athlete that you can name. I like to share my inside stuff with the boys.    ERM: Well, Mr. deSilva, we're running out of time already. Before we go, I have to ask you about this thing called the BoB. What exactly is it?    ND: BoB stands for Band of Brothers. Back in December of 2001, there were just a few lunatics still coming to the Blacktop in the freezing temperatures. One Saturday morning, with just 6 guys there to play, we ended up playing a 3 on 3 tournament. Actually, there was another guy there, namely The King, but he wasn't a Bridgewater State star back then and we made him sit by the side of the court and watch us play, as he froze his ass off. Anyway, me, Spec and the original Paulo won the hardfought series and the BoB was invented. Besides getting into the Blacktop Hall of Fame, being on a BoB-winning team can be the #1 achievement of a basketball career. Some people, like Brian Ferris Bueller, will never get to experience the exhilaration of a BoB victory.    ERM: By the way, Mr. deSilva, I would be remiss if I didn't congratulate you on your induction, along with Jose The MVP, into the Blacktop Hall of Fame last summer.    ND: Thanks, Eddie. Listen, I've got to go. I'm going out to shovel the Blacktop. Without NC here, I'm doing my best to keep the facilities up and running for the 2006 season.    ERM: So, there you have it. Hall of Famer Norm deSilva. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to get back myself.